Love VS Marriage VS Lust

 

LOVE vs. LUST vs. MARRIAGE



LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love".
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.

LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.

LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - When...uh...what's a climax?

LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to bitch about work.

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.

LOVE - When your only concern is for your partner's feelings.
LUST - When your only concern is to find a room with mirrors all
around.
MARRIAGE - When you're only concern as to what's on TV.

LOVE - When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.

LOVE - When your heart flutters every time you see them.
LUST - When your groin twitches every time you see them.
MARRIAGE - When your wallet empties every time you see them.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you
feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think
about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through the day is your only thought.

LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your
partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.

LOVE - When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and talk.
LUST- When a rainy day means more time to stay inside and have sex.
MARRIAGE - When a rainy day means it's time to clean the basement.

LOVE - You only leave the house to buy coffee and doughnuts.
LUST - You only leave the house to buy condoms and Vaseline.
MARRIAGE - You only leave the house when you're allowed.



Love: When you take a bubble bath together.
Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-O together.
Marriage: When you give the kids a bath.

Love: A romantic candlelight dinner for two.
Lust: "Do I have to buy you dinner first?”
Marriage: 4 Happy Meals...to go.

Love: Giving your love some candy.
Lust: Thinking you are the candy.
Marriage: Scraping candy off of the carpet.

Love: A night out at the Symphony.
Lust: A night out at the Ramada Inn.
Marriage: A night out at Sesame Street On Ice.

Love: Lending your jacket to your love when he/she is cold.
Lust: "I can think of a way to stay warm..."
Marriage: Your teenager just took your jacket.

Love: Talking and cuddling.
Lust: Rolling over and falling asleep.
Marriage: Getting up to wash your hands...

Love: Long drives through the countryside.
Lust: Long parking sessions at Lover's Lookout.
Marriage: Long drives with the kids screaming in the back-seat.

Love: Sex every night.
Lust: Sex 5 times a night.
Marriage: Sex?

$20 bill

A well-known speaker started off his seminar
by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked,

"Who would like this $20 bill?"

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you
but first, let me do this.

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air.
Well, he replied, "What if I do this?"

And he dropped it on the ground
and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.

He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

"Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.

No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it
because it did not decrease in value.

It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives,
we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt
by the decisions we make and
the circumstances that come our way.

We feel as though we are worthless.

But no matter what has happened or
what will happen, you will never lose your value.

Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased,
you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you.

The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we
know, but by WHO WE ARE.

You are special- Don't EVER forget it."

Count your blessings, not your problems.

And remember: amateurs built the ark .
professionals built the Titanic.

If God brings you to it - He will bring you through it.

Gods, and Indians!!!

(For those who didn’t understand: These two guys are in America; one is a, let’s say, a pure American and the other an Indian. And Indians got a lot of deities as you would know.)

OneStone

There once was an Apache Indian whose given name was "Onestone". So

named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked

everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said,

"If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!" The word got

around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good

morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest

where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her

all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman

named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw

Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you Onestone."

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love

to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the

next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?????

OH, come on...take a guess!

Think about it.

(You're going to love this!)

And the moral is

You can't kill two birds with one stone!!!

All yours,

Atwin ;)